im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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