We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
