If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
