you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
