well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
