i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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