who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
literally had 100 drinks last night.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
