we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
