youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
