How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
