I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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