who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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