Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
