he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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