Soap is not a condiment
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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