He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize