Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
