I just threw up on my dentist
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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