gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
