He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize