note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
