I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
