it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She bit a glass in half.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My vagina is officially offended.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
