help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
