There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
