I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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