i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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