Please, let me fuck your mom
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
