the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
