Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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