I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
