just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
