Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
