When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize