Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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