There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
