you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
