i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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