my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
