i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
