Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
