Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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