Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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