the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
