i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
