You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
