jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
