HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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