if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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