He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
