I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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