you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
