Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
