You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
