I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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