whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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