oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
