it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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