That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
only you would photoshop your dick
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
