I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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