Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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