Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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