She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
