I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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