the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
