it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
