jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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