Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it was like eating out sand paper
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
