After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
